


The One With The Instagram Photo

by Faded_BlueEyes



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Cockblocking, Funny, Instagram, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-18 01:01:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3550259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faded_BlueEyes/pseuds/Faded_BlueEyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>calumhood left a comment on ashtonirwin's photo: You cut me out you dick</p><p>The one where Calum is a drama queen, takes his revenge on Ashton and poor Luke is dragged into it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One With The Instagram Photo

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this](http://hurran.tumblr.com/post/95397714760/calums-lovely-comment-on-ashtons-photo) post

“I literally walked into the room a second ago and even I can feel the tension,” Michael's tone was obvious and muffled, chewing his half-eaten sandwich as his eyes cast between Ashton, Luke and Calum. 

Ashton and Luke sat together – no surprise – but there wasn't any sign of the usual, nauseating flirty behavior between them. Calum sat on the opposite side of the room, all pouting and furrowed eyebrows and crossed arms as his narrowed eyes did their best to give Ashton a menacing glare. 

“Do I want to know what happened?” Michael sighed finally, finishing his sandwich and giving all his attention to the other band members. 

He heard Luke mutter a quick 'you definitely don't' before it was Calum who answered loudly,“He cut me out of the picture!” 

A small, entertained smile made its way to Ashton's face while Calum grumbled further and Michael stood on clueless. 

“What the hell are you on about, Calum?” Michael voiced his confusion. 

“Of course you wouldn't know, you're in the picture,” Calum muttered under his breath and turned away again, huffing loudly. 

Luke cleared his throat. “Ashton posted a picture of us on instagram. He managed to cut Calum out of it.” 

“Managed?” Calum screeched. “So it was planned!” 

“The picture was too big, Calum,” Ashton sighed, rolling his eyes in the process. “I had to.” 

“But you chose to cut me out!” 

“It was on my account! I wasn't going to cut myself out!” 

“Well maybe you should have. I'm obviously the looker in this band.” 

“Wow, okay,” Michael interrupted. “Firstly, I'd like to think I'm the looker. Luke is the brains, Ashton is the muscle and - “

“Oh so Ashton has a more important part in the band, as well,” Calum burst out, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically. 

Ashton shrugged slightly. He raised one of his hand in the air, ”Bass,”He said and then brought his other hand up, higher than the other, “Drums.” 

“Secondly,” Michael yelled over their dispute. “I can't believe you guys are even arguing over this. Instagram is so last year; it's all about Tumblr.” He huffed and shook his head. “Now, I would like to play some football while I can be bothered to leave the house. Anyone up for it?” 

“I'll come,” Calum spoke up, standing up and shooting another glare towards Ashton. 

“Yes, please, I can see Luke getting a case of blue balls soon if you continue to wreck 'lashton time.'” Michael rolled his eyes and smirked as he watched Luke blush from the corner of his eye. 

“Why are you getting me involved?” Luke quickly exclaimed before he proceeded to hide his face in one of the cushions, which still didn't hide the blush quickly spreading to his ears and back of his neck. Beside him, Ashton sniggered but with a grin, pulled him closer. 

And right there, Calum came up with the perfect revenge. 

~~*~~*~~

“I didn't realise you'd go that far,” Ashton came into the living room later that day, arms crossed and eyebrow raised as he watched Calum. 

Calum innocently turned away towards the tv screen, “I have no idea what you're talking about.” 

“You took a picture with Michael, photoshopped Luke's face onto it, captioned it as 'best friends forever' and then put it on Instagram.” 

“How many likes did it get?” Michael piped up, sitting up on the other sofa in the room. “Did I look good?” 

“Oh, I'm sorry,” Calum replied with a sarcastic tone, “Does it feel bad to be left out?” He shrugged slightly. “I mean, I wouldn't know, obviously.” 

“To be fair, your photoshop editing skills are rather lame,” Ashton pointed out with a shrug before pursing his lips and turning to look at the TV. 

“I had to learn quickly! Fuck off!” 

“I also though your revenge was going to be a bit more creative than that,” Ashton added. 

“Creative, huh?” Calum murmured, eyes narrowing in acceptance of the challenge. “Fine.” 

Smiling innocently, Ashton turned around and left the room, wrapping his arm around Luke once he was out of the room. 

“What do you get out of this?” Luke asked him, eyebrow raising. “You're winding the poor guy up. Calum is too nice to come up with an evil master plan, you know.” 

“Oh, I know,” Ashton assured him quickly. “I just think it's gonna be funny.” 

Back then, he didn't realise how wrong he would be.

~~*~~*~~

“I hate being on break,” Luke murmured, voice muffled due to the pillow covering his face. “Like, it's cool and all but I get bored.” 

Huffing beside him, Ashton agreed. “I miss performing,” He whined. 

“I miss you performing,” Luke agreed in the same whiny tone and giggling, Ashton turned to face him. 

“You're so cheesy, Lucas.” 

“I was going for dirty, but then realised that it will sound awkward as hell coming out of my mouth so I gave up,” Luke told him with a dismissing shrug. 

Taking the pillow off his face, Ashton leaned in closer, “Maybe you should try anyway,” He told him softly. 

Sighing, Luke looked back up at him. “You get really into the music,” He murmured, hesitantly bringing his hand up to entwine into Ashton's curly hair. “And then when I turn around and see you there, all sweaty and with that heat in your eyes,” Luke paused and bit down on his lip, trying to stop the smile spreading over his lips. “I kind of just wanna fuck you right there to show everyone that they can't have you the way I do.” 

“Wow, Luke,” Ashton whispered. “You take the phrase 'bang me like you bang your drums' to a whole another level.” He grinned as he watched Luke light up beneath him before he leaned down, kissing him deeply, running his tongue over Luke's bottom lip, trailing his hand up Luke's waist when the younger mewled under him. 

“Ash...” Luke murmured, hand tightening in Ashton's hair, pulling him down so that their bodies alligned. 

Pulling away for a moment, Ashton grinned, “I think I just found a way to end your boredom.” He leaned down again, lips clumsily aligning with Luke's, Luke's arms wrapping around his shoulder and pulling him closer, groaning once Ashton's hand trailed his bare skin, lighting it up on fire. 

And then there was the bang on the door. 

“Guys! We're ordering food!” Calum's voice yelled through the door. 

“We're not hungry!” Ashton yelled back quickly before Luke was pulling him in, hands pulling at Ashton's shirt to get it off. 

“Guys! You have to eat!” Calum banged on the door again. 

“Just ignore him, Ash,” Luke murmured beneath him, pulling him into a kiss again. 

“Food!” Calum continued to bang on the door. 

“Fuck off, Calum!” 

It was then that they realised the door wasn't locked. 

Calum opened the door and watched both of them spring up, hurrying to button and zip up jeans that have been undone in a hurry. “Oh, I'm sorry,” He started. “Did I interrupt?” 

“You fucking dick,” Ashton huffed. 

“I think the point is that you didn't get any dick,” Calum grinned as he stood there, arms crossed over his chest. 

“Does this not make you uncomfortable?” Luke pointed out. “We're half naked.” He seemed to blush as he said it and Ashton would have kissed him again if it wasn't for Calum's presence. 

“Yours would not be the first dick I've seen,” Calum smiled. “Take your time. I'll be right here.” He pursed his lips and looked down at his nails, pretending to inspect them from boredom. 

“Cal, if you wanted a show you should have just asked,” Ashton opened his arms invitingly before turning around to face Luke.

“Um, no,” Luke quickly interjected, hand slapping over Ashton's mouth to stop him from going further. “Stop it.” 

Calum smirked victoriously as Ashton turned to shoot him a glare. “So, did you want to eat?” 

“Hey, guys!” Michael came down the hallway, holding his phone. “Keep your damn phones on.” His head popped around the corner of the doorway. “You know it's bad when the label calls me. Get dressed. We have a meeting in an hour; possible collaboration.” 

Shrugging slightly, Calum huffed, “Oh damn!” He whined sarcastically. “Guess there's no time for food. Or anything else.” 

~~*~~*~~

“Do you guys need anything from the shop?” Luke's head popped into the room with a raised eyebrow. 

“Where you going?” Michael spoke up, stuffing his face with chips and not looking even remotely interested in the conversation. 

“We're gonna catch a film,” Luke told him. “Ash is trying to get some security in case things get crowded but I was wondering if we needed anything.” 

“A movie, huh?” Calum spoke up, sitting up. “Yeah, I'll come.” 

Luke's eyes widened. “I didn't invite you to come with us. I just - “ 

“It's fine, Lukey, you don't have to beg me. I'm already on board.” Grabbing a jacket, Calum passed by him with a small smile on his face. 

Outside, they met with Ashton, who seemed just as confused at Calum's presence. “Um... what?” 

“What are we seeing?” Calum asked as he zipped up his jacket. 

“It's a date, Calum.” Ashton told him. “You're not coming.” 

“But Luke already invited me!” 

“I did not!” 

“Anyway,” Calum started and moved towards the car. He opened the passenger door and got in. Huffing, Ashton got behind the steering wheel and Luke lounged across the back seats. “Whatever it is we're seeing, I should sit in the middle. I don't do strangers well and if it's a horror, I might need a hand to hold.” 

~~*~~*~~

“Hey, Cal?” 

“In here!” 

Michael walked into the room and stopped instantly. “What the hell are you doing?” 

“Where's Luke?” Calum asked instead. 

“He's with Ashton.” Michael shrugged dismissively. 

“Ashton is in the shower, though,” Calum pointed out. 

Michael grinned then. “Luke is with Ashton.” 

Calum nodded and turned around. “So I thought he would be.” 

“Okay,” Michael started hesitantly. “But why the hell are you in the boiler room?” His eyes widened. “Cal, what are you planning?” 

“Revenge.” Calum grinned. “It's probably been around three days...” He murmured to himself. 

“Three days?” 

“Since lashton had sex.” 

“Now that I think about it, I do hear less moaning at night,” Michael nodded slowly. “You're cockblocking them? That's cruel, dude.” Michael looked around the small room again. “And the boiler room?” 

“Ah,” Calum turned and opened some type of latch before turning a dial one way. “Just part of the revenge.” He grinned. “It's about to get a bit cold in there...” He pressed a button and Michael's eyes widened at the same time a chorus of 'what the fuck' echoed around the house. 

~~*~~*~~

“That's it!” Ashton burst into the room, shirt unbuttoned and fuming. He leaned on the counter and glared at Calum, who sat drinking his morning coffee. “You're doing it on purpose!” 

“Doing what?” Calum asked innocently. 

Ashton narrowed his eyes as, behind him, Luke trailed out from the hallway looking troubled and uncomfortable. Ashton leaned over the counter and grabbed Calum's phone. “You've called Luke twenty times in the past five minutes!” 

“He's not picking up,” Calum shrugged simply. 

“Maybe he was busy!” Ashton spluttered. 

“Oh,” Calum's eyes widened comically. “Did I interrupt something?” 

“Yes!” Ashton exclaimed. “And you keep doing it! For the love of God, Calum! What is it you want?” 

“Sounds like a case of blue balls to me,” Michael muttered from the other side of the kitchen and received a narrow-eyed glare in response. 

Calum shrugged slightly, “Perhaps you'd know if I was included...” 

“That literally makes no sense, Calum!” Ashton huffed. “Do you want me to delete the picture?” 

“Nope,” Calum smiled lightly and sipped on his tea. 

Luke walked around and grabbed a bowl before grabbing some cereal. “Seems we're not going back to anything any time soon, so might as well get some breakfast.” 

“Luke, you're not helping here, sweetie...” Ashton sighed. 

“You're free to go back,” Calum shrugged lightly. “Though, I should warn you... There might or might not be cameras all around the house that I had installed yesterday when you were doing the interview. It would be a shame if anything that happens in the house got leaked on the internet...” 

Ashton narrowed his eyes. “You wouldn't.” 

“Wait! Does the camera see me jerking it once in a while?” Michael quickly interrupted. 

“Once in a while?” Luke sniggered and received a shove in return.

“Oh, I would,” Calum turned them back on track. “Seeing lashton become real might make many of our fans happy.” 

Ashton crossed his arms over his chest, “Some probably already know.” 

“But what about the others?” Calum sat up in his seat. “What if they don't accept it?” He shrugged and sipped on his coffee again. “If I was you, I wouldn't be caught in any compromising situations.” 

“Screw you, Calum,” Ashton said before turning around and leaving the room. 

“Oh, you wish.” Calum grinned behind him. 

“Anybody up for cartoons?” Luke muttered behind them and for a moment, Calum felt sorry since Luke didn't deserve it. 

“Yeah. I'm up.” Michael picked up his bowl and began following Luke before he paused, stayed behind and narrowed his eyes at Calum. “There aren't really cameras, are there?” 

Calum snorted, “Of course not!” 

~~*~~*~~

It only lasted four days. 

Four days later ashtonirwin posted a [photo](http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/36800000/Ashton-and-Calum-ashton-irwin-36887575-500-500.jpg) on instagram: 

_Owe this guy an apology. He's the best member of 5SOS and I have failed to recognise that. If I ever cut him out of a picture again, then I clearly do not deserve to be a part of this band. That's a promise._

_...Is it over now, Calum?_

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know, I saw that post on Tumblr and I couldn't help it. It's probably stupid and all but I had fun writing it so hopefully some of you will enjoy reading it.  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
